Self Care -- is it selfish??

Do you Put Your Oxygen Mask on First?

You know how the flight attendant always says to secure your own oxygen mask before helping the child next to you? The first time I traveled with my baby, I nodded along but thought, Yeah, right! There was no way I’d put my needs before his—the idea felt selfish and outrageous!

I went on this way for many years - feeling like the way to love others was to give all of myself, accruing guilt whenever I needed time to myself to recharge. It turns out, I wasn’t doing anyone any favors and I wasn’t loving them as well as I can when I spend some time attending to my own needs. 

These days, self-care has taken on a life of its own. Sometimes, it’s portrayed as indulgence—glamorous spa days, luxury vacations, and expensive treats. That version of self-care can feel off-putting to me. But self-care isn’t always about extravagance. Sometimes, it’s as simple as sitting in the sun for 15 minutes because it warms your skin and lifts your energy. It’s recognizing when you need an extra few minutes in the shower or an evening on the couch with a good book. Sure, manicures, pedicures, and vacations have their place—but real, sustainable self-care is about finding what nourishes you in everyday life.

I’ve learned just how important my own oxygen mask is. I can’t show up for my kids the way they need me if I’m running on empty. Teenagers have a way of waiting until way too late at night to open up about what’s on their minds—right when I just want to curl up and read. But I always want to be there for those late-night talks. And I can, if I’ve taken care of myself first.

Putting on my own oxygen mask isn’t selfish—it’s what allows me to be the mother my kids need. It’s how I truly put them first.

I guess I’m a slow learner—my oldest is 15, and I’m still figuring it out.